Documenting my journey to better mental health
Who am I? Easy question right? Not so fast! I asked myself this very question and the answers came flowing out I’m a daughter, a wife, a mother and a grandmother. I am kind, honest, and hard working. Easy! As I let my answer resonate, I began to realized that this is who I am in others eyes. While they are all true, they don’t answer the question WHO AM I?
When looking into yourself, evaluating your self, you can easily pop out answers, check the box and move on. When trying to determine your own truths for the sole benefit of bettering yourself or yourself, it takes on a whole different light. If you’re being honest, truly doing a deep dive into exploring who you or are, it’s surprisingly difficult. The brutal honesty it takes is exhausting and I imagine never evolving.
I am beginning this journey to learning my own truth and hope that it helps you to find your own. I can only better myself after I have figured out who I am.
After a lot of soul searching, reflection, and internal arguments, I see myself as a fixer and people pleaser. On the surface, these are great traits in a person. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I help someone. Whether I am lending an ear so someone can vent, offering up advice, or picking up the bill for the car behind me in the drive thru; I genuinely want to make a difference in someone’s life, or even just their day.
These things that I think make me who I am, also hinder me. When I cannot fix someone’s problem, when I see them continue to stumble or make bad choices, or when bad luck just seems to follow them, I have an innate desire to want to fix it. I own their failure as if it were my own. It’s almost as though my happiness depends on theirs.