17, 10, 2016
It’s been 6 months since I’ve written on my blog, and a lot has happened in that duration.
2016 has easily been the most difficult year of my life. Prior to this year, I was a girl that viewed everything in my life through rose colored lenses. I remember last semester learning about the concept of the “boy in the bubble”, a case in which a person feels that nothing bad could ever happen to them. That even though there are all these terrible situations occurring in the world to other people daily, the boy in the bubble was the one exception. He was invincible and would never experience a tragedy. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “I’m clearly living in a bubble”. In my 21 years of life at that point, I never experienced anything that rattled my life. I never failed a course, I never had my heartbroken, I never experienced anything detrimental to my health, I never lost someone I cared about. To be honest, everything I worked for and wanted turned out in my favor. Up until this summer, I had my entire life planned out. I knew who I was and what I wanted in life. I knew where I was headed academically and professionally. I knew who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I knew my ambitions and passions. I had a pretty set life.
But things change, and for the the first time my eyes really opened up to what life really is like. Nothing is a guarantee in life, and as unfortunate as that is, it’s true. Change is constantly happening in the minor details of life and in the grand scheme of things. The biggest change for me was the end of my relationship with someone I wholeheartedly believed I was going to spend the rest of my life with. As I said, I never experienced anything prior that rattled my world. And this change flipped my world upside down. For the first time in a long time, I was really alone. I was really lost, and not because I lost someone and that caused me to lose my identity. But because with any change, it takes time to adjust. I started to become filled with doubt about many things in my life. My old thought process of “things always end up the way I want them to” rapidly changed to “nothing is guaranteed, and what happens if I fail again”. These past few months have been filled with the most troubling moments in my life, but at the same time, they are filled with some of the most memorable moments of my life.
I am somebody who likes to find the silver lining in everything. Things happen for a reason, and rather than wallowing in sorrow and regretting things you can’t change, it’s better to find the lesson you can learn and apply it to the future. So here is a quick compilation of things I have learned in this short, yet pivotal moment of my life.
I was lost for a while, but I think I found myself again. And I’m super happy to be back on my blog 🙂